Mother Mother
I hear your voice....
....in my mind.
How can I fix these wounds
.. when there's this living, breathing embodiment of my insecurities.
.. my negative voices.
.. everything I think about myself she says about herself.
How can I hope to be okay when I can't change her mind
How can I love myself when I can't convince her to love herself
I push her away, because she is showing me all I hate about my being.
How can I believe "fat" is not the definition of my worth when it is *the* main word she uses to prove her worthlessness.
.. and now my mind isn't as sharp as it once was I'm fulfilling the other part of her *proof* of her lack of value.
.. and I'm aging. Long past maiden, I'm leaving mother behind, and now I wander closer to crone.
.. and my former "cute" fades as the years show on my face. And the weight with age creates this saggy baggy body. It's the last key. The last thing she berates herself with. "ugly"
Fat
and
Stupid
and
Old
and
Ugly
She..
...is me
and I don't just damage myself.
How do I prevent myself from becoming his voice?
.. his insecurities?
.. I want him to llove himself a billion more times more than I could ever manage to love myself.
... a trillion more times.
Someone convince him...
... his size doesn't matter. he is more than the sum of his parts.
... his intelligence doesn't matter. his heart is grand beyond what he can hold in his mind.
... his age doesn't matter. he'll be just as vibrant at 101.
... his looks don't matter. It's just a state of molecules and it can't contain the infinite awesome contained within.
Help him not be me..
.. like I am my mother.
(I tried to delete the second "l" in love like 4 times but it kept reappearing. I guess it needs to be there.)
